tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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