i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
im having a threesome with these popsicles
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you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
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yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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