she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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