Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Those nachos came to me in a dream
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
