don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
