i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
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how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
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Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So I just went to clothing optional bar
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.