i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
