I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
