Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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