can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
