That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
