She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm having to shit out rocks
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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