i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
