Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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