i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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