He kissed a someone with a penis
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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