he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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