What a fucking waste of an outfit
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
