I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
