So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
