and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
