I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
