I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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