please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
