pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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