On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
