I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
