did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
it hurts more in the daytime
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
