Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
