Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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