billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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