from now on my penis is your penis
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
