The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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