I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
