i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
