why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
