Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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