I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I am available for nakedness
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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