So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
