in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
