it's not cheating when I paid for it
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
