i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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