I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Holy sore nipples Batman
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
