you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
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I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
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apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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