I need help removing her.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
