bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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