why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
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dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
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She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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