i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
