i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
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looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
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You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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