I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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