captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
