oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
