so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
