Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
