apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
