thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
