You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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