so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
If I had your ass I would rule the world
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
