She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
