3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
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On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
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Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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