I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
