Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
