Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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