I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
