Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize