Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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