I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
They are going to name an STD after you.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
