sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
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looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
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Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize