Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
