Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
