I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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