Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
