We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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