fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
