Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
