I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
