Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
