"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
