i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
