I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
